Happy?

I want to apologize right off the top here for this post. It’s going to be an odd mix of writing about music and peppering my life into it.

You know what? How is that different from anything else I’ve written? It really isn’t. What I mean is instead of writing about music and then interjecting a snippet of my life into it, I’m going to do the opposite and put the music in it. Make sense? Yeah, I don’t get it either. Just go with it. Humor me.

I’m sure most are painfully aware I’m still searching for a job. Almost six long months of filling out countless interviews, waiting around impatiently for a call to be interviewed, and then getting my soul sucked out during the interview process. Tell me a little about yourself, Erin. What makes you a good fit for this company? Do you work well under pressure and stress? Give me an example of a difficult situation at work and how you handled it. ABO-Job-Interview

Well, I went to college for a semester, screwed off, so I quit, only to be working as a cashier in a retail clothing store at the age of 25 and I had a revelation I should get back into school. I did. I worked for a cardiology practice for five years before I foolishly quit and moved to Texas for a reason I don’t want to discuss. There, I worked for a similar practice, but realized I didn’t want to be this far away from my family, so I moved back, tail tucked between my legs. I’d make a good fit for this company because I need a job. That’s how I fit into your model. I do actually work very well under less than favorable situations. I lived with a childish man-boy for almost 8 years. An example of a difficult situation was during the height of my divorce after my former spouse moved out of our house. I was strapped for cash for rent and I needed cigarettes. I did the right thing and spent the money on cigarettes and was late with the rent. Oh, and I actually did have a job for about a week in August, but I was a giant baby and quit because I didn’t like it, so just a heads up on that.

I didn’t actually say any of those things, but maybe brutal honesty is the key in landing me a job. Or not. If I ever land another interview, I’ll try that approach.

I had an interview for a really good job last week as a technician for a local blood bank. I wanted this job. I’d be like Sy Sperling and the Hair Club for Men: I’m not only an employee, I’m also a client.

Each month, we'll send you a new set of hair. I'm modeling the "David Caruso" weave now. YYEEEEEAAAAHHHHH.
Each month, we’ll send you a new set of hair. I’m modeling the “David Caruso” weave now. YYEEEEEAAAAHHHHH.

I was cautiously optimistic for this job. I wanted it, but knew I’d probably not get it due to my lack of phlebotomy skills and working at a blood donation center, that’s kind of imperative. I had done it before, but that was during my internship for school, and that’s been…oh heck, that’s been almost 7 years ago. Yikes. Hey, on second thought, good call not hiring me, folks.

I got the rejection email yesterday afternoon, announcing their decision. I could feel my self-esteem and ego deflate. They made the funny farty sound like a whoopie cushion. That’s when I started getting depressed. More depressed, if I may be honest. Getting that email was just the shitty icing on the shitty cake. Six months unemployed. Six. Months. That’s many days without a job. It was super great for the first month. I had just moved back, I was enjoying The Good Life, baby! Then month two passed and I was getting a little discouraged, but remembered this is Lincoln, Nebraska, not Austin, Texas. The difference in population also means the job market is a little more competitive here. No sweat, sister. You got this. Month Three, or The Month I Did Get A Job But Quit It After Five Days Because I Didn’t Like It. That’s like being offered a billion dollars and then giving it back because it was just too much money. Month Four: zero prospects. I contemplated seeking unemployment because I was draining my poor mother of her finances. I did apply in the middle of October and was accepted. Hoorah. Now is Month Five. I’ve had interviews, but just can’t get a goll-danged job! LOL!

So, yesterday wasn’t a super great day in my silly little world. I wanted to reach out to my usual means of making myself feel better, and that is music. Oh, sweet, sweet music. You are music to my ears! Ha ha!

I was after something specific. I wanted a feel-good tune to boost my spirits and make me dance and bop around and make me forget my troubles for at least four minutes. I wanted an anthem, goddamn it. I wanted to queue up My Song and blast it far too loudly to be polite and dive head first into the song. Calgon, take me away.

Then, I made a horrific discovery. I have zero feel good pop music. None. The CDs in my car didn’t qualify. I wheeled through my iPod. Nothin’. There are some pop artists on there, but not the kind of music I was looking for. I finally resorted to looking up “Tubthumping” by Chumbawumba on YouTube and had to hold my phone up to my ear  so I could hear the shitty speaker playing a tinny version of the song. And the funniest part is, Someone always teases me that I have a morose taste in music. This Someone will play music for us and he will always inevitably say, “sorry if this is too happy for you.” He’s wonderful.

I just...what if this is it, you know?
I just…what if this is it, you know?

But seriously, I didn’t really realize I had no music whose sole purpose is to cheer me up. I have mostly aggressive rock and alternative and a smattering of classical piano and then just scores of sadness. I even have a lengthy playlist on my iPod devoted to the saddest music I own. It’s sad. I listen to it often.

But I’m not always sad! I’m not! I don’t listen to that stuff with the explicit purpose of sad-sack-ery. It’s genuinely good music! I just happen to like melancholy stuff, I guess.

My challenge to myself is to seek out a happy song that I can play when I feel a little down in the dumpster and will cheer me up. This may be a little difficult. Okay, a lot difficult. But I accept my challenge and will gladly take suggestions, as well.

I’ll also take a job.

But first a happy song to make me not feel bad about not having a job. Baby steps.

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