The Day Ray Comfort Mentioned Me On Facebook

I fully admit I troll Ray Comfort’s Facebook page. Some of the crap that guy posts is highly laughable and just plain cuckoo. I share the most cringe-worthy posts with my other atheist friends and we all laugh and mock him together.

Pardon me; some might not know who Ray Comfort is. Allow me to enlighten you. Mr. Raymond “Ray” Marshall Comfort was born December 5, 1949 (ooh, a Sagittarius. As a Sag, Ray is under the 9th sign of the zodiac, is ruled by the planet Jupiter, and considered generous, honest, extroverted, proud, and reckless. He is compatible with Aries, Leo, and Libra, and he butts heads with Taurus, Virgo, and Cancer, which is my sign. I guess my fantasy of being with Ray won’t happen since it’s against the stars) in New Zealand (so that’s why he talks so funny!) to a Jewish mother and a Gentile father. Oy vey!

He’s a minister and evangelist and most infamously known for stating the banana–yes: banana–is an atheist’s worst nightmare, and not because if you don’t eat them right away they get horribly overripe but that’s what banana bread is for, but because, and I’m not kidding you here, because even I can’t make this junk up, a banana is our worst nightmare because of the design.

On the outside curve of the banana are three ridges, the inside curve, two. Now, this part is interactive: form your hand like you’re going to give a handjob–go on, do it. Curl your fingers and thumb to make the universal sign for “asshole.” Look at the hole made by your thumb and index finger–GREAT SCOTT. Your index finger joints form three ridges and your thumb forms two. The goddamn banana fits perfectly inside this hole. Slide it back and forth…slowly…yeah, that’s it…oh yeah…oh fuck…faster…faster… Surely this is the act of an intelligent designer, aka God and holy shit! It should be noted the whitebread lookin’ gentleman on the right of Mr. Comfort is none other than Kirk Cameron of the 80s sitcom “Growing Pains” fame. Kirk became a born-again Christian and now hold Ray’s banana.

Shit's bananas, yo.
Shit’s bananas, yo.

Ray hates the theory of evolution. Hates it. He made a cute little movie about how much he hates this wackadoo theory entitled “Evolution Vs. God.” It’s almost 40 minutes of crazy. I’ve watched it. It’s interesting and by “interesting,” I mean the ramblings of a misguided man.

So there’s a little about Ray.

As I mentioned earlier, I follow Ray on Facebook because he gives me much fuel for fodder with his posts, and today was no exception. He wrote a post today that I found especially entertaining because it was about how Hollywood is the pimp for prostitute actors.

Hollywood is nothing but a highly paid pimp, who provides clientele for America—actors who will take off their clothes and prostitute themselves for money.

LOL! What? At first, I was going to just share this with my atheist Facebook group with my usual snarky comment, but I decided to reply to the post, and boy am I glad I did. Here’s what I said:

Ray? What was Kirk Cameron before? I can’t quite think of the word…rhymes with “tractor”…

And that’s when things got fun.

Like white on rice, supporters of Ray and Kirk replied to me to quit picking on Kirk, and to not hold his past against him, he’s found God now and that’s all that matters. Okay, duly noted, but could you please acknowledge that Mr. Cameron was an actor? Could you do that for me without baring your purdy Christian fangs? No? Okay. Didn’t think so.

Then…then I got the notification I have waited my life for: “Ray Comfort mentioned you in a comment.”

Oh my god, you guys. Oh my god. I could barely contain myself.

Erin Elizabeth Hoffmeyer. He’s an actor. His last movie–“Fireproof” brought in $33,000,000 at the box office. Didn’t you know that?

Then, this happened. I feel so special.

Screenshot_2013-11-05-11-51-14
Look, Ma! I’m famous because a crazy man made a special Facebook status mentioning me by name! Hot dog!

No, Ray, actually, I didn’t know that because despite paying to go see “This Is The End” in theatres, I tend to avoid shitty movies, and from the synopsis review on IMDb, it seems to be just that. A firefighter, played by Kirk Cameron, and his wife are having marital problems and want to divorce, but Kirk’s father convinces them to try a 40 day (OMG . JUST LIKE JESUS IN THE DESERT, YOU GUYS) “Love Dare.” Hilarity ensues when a series of misunderstandings between Kirk and his wife happen, there’s some dying woman and oh my lord, reading this plot summary was excruciatingly painful, so I’ll skip to the end: the two realize they love each other and end up renewing their wedding vows. It got a 40% on Rotten Tomatoes. That’s actually a pretty generous rating, all things considered. Dang.

But Classic Comfort, let’s make a statement then contradict ourselves with said statement. Again, I know how he operates since I willingly gave up 40 minutes of my life watching his own movie…what? Ray, you stinker!

He lambasted Hollywood and actors and movies and all the homosinuality of Hollywood, but once the fact that Kirk is an actor is brought to him, it’s all, “oh, well, he doesn’t count.” Really? You dumbshit.

Stay the fuck away from me, actor.
Stay the fuck away from me, actor.

The comments are just priceless and adorable and one man condemned me to hell and frankly, I’m surprised it took as long as it did for someone to chase after me with the Christian pitchfork like that. You guys are slipping.

That’s my fifteen minutes of fame. I had hoped it would be for something more worthwhile like, oh I don’t know, anything but being mentioned by Ray Comfort in a status, but beggars can’t be choosers, I guess.

Now if you will excuse me, I’m going to help perpetuate Hollywood prostitution and go watch a movie.

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3 thoughts on “The Day Ray Comfort Mentioned Me On Facebook

  1. Erin, if they were incapable of holding two incompatible beliefs at the same time, they wouldn’t be who they are.
    Anyway, good zing. I had a cousin share the banana thing. This is all due to rote education, where we learn to repeat facts instead of think for ourselves.

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