I hate to keep beating the metaphorical dead horse here, but damn it anyway; this situation arose and I want to discuss it, so neener neener.
I was (key word here) a member of the online dating site OkCupid for a few months. It was an interesting experiment on my part, because I was hesitant to put myself on a site like that. I have an old-fashioned mentality, I guess, and putting yourself on the internet for scores of men to poke around your profile like they’re looking for the right cut of steak at the supermarket didn’t quite appeal to me, but it had been two years since my ex-husband and I had been separated and I wasn’t really doing that stellar of a job finding dates on my own, so caution was thrown to the wind, and I signed up.
For the most part, it was an okay experience. Some very nice men sent me messages, and I got a month-long run with one fellow, and a few dates out of some other guys. Sex was had, so it wasn’t a total wash. Sorry, Mom.
What does a dating site have to do with atheism, Erin? Hold on, I’m getting there. I need to set up the story here, so just bear with me for a minute.
I recently went out a few times with a guy. He was fun, and I liked him, but because I’m me, I stopped it from progressing further due to several reasons, which, sorry, I won’t get into. The only thing that’s important is I wasn’t interested. Mr. Guy did not take kindly to this, and began messaging me rather constantly. I’m a bit of a pussy when it comes to this kind of stuff, and instead of dealing with him like an adult, I chose to ignore his messages because confrontation makes me uncomfortable to a painful degree. I’d rather not deal than deal. That’s my fault, and yeah. Anyway, I finally chose to respond to this guy because I was starting to feel like a heel for ignoring him, and that unleashed a flurry of more messages from him yesterday. They digressed rather quickly in the cordial and polite category to being kind of mean and harassing. I put up with a few of them before I replied to him again and cautioned him to tone it down a notch, but he relented. Finally, I got one that broke the camel’s back and I snapped. I fired off a curt reply, then blocked him and decided, “hey, this site is kind of dumb anyway,” and deleted my account all together.
I posted to my Facebook last night that I had deleted my account because in the course of my tenure on the site, I had taken to writing posts about the more hilarious of the messages I’d receive from men, and I apologized to my friends that there will no longer be any “Dear Sir from OkCupid” posts, as I had deactivated my account.
I got a message from my friend, Mike, asking, ” I wonder if that changes your perspective at all on the Great Atheist Sexism Debate?”
And now for the atheism! Kinda!
As you recall, a few weeks ago, I wrote about the effervescent Rebecca Watson and The Great Elevator Kerfuffle of 2011. To recap, Chewbecca was giving an entertaining talk in some foreign land, stayed up late with fellow conference-goers, decided she had enough of the festivities, and wanted to go back to her room. On her way back, a dude who had heard her talking approached her in the hotel elevator and asked her if she wanted to come back to his room for drinks and more discussion. Insert overreaction in three…two…one…
Rebecca declined, and thus should have ended it. But nooooo. Once back on good ol’ American soil, she fired off a video blog about the incident and said, ““Just a word to the wise here, guys. Don’t do that. I don’t know how else to explain how this makes me very uncomfortable, but I’ll just sort of lay it out: I was a single women in foreign country in a hotel elevator with you, just you, and I—don’t invite me back to your hotel room right after I finish talking about how it creeps me out and makes me uncomfortable when men sexualize me in that manner.”
I chuckled wholeheartedly at Mike’s question, and replied to him, “I see where you’re going with that. I’m going to vlog about this and renounce all men from using Internet dating sites and call you all scum because of one experience…or not. How about I chalk this one up to a single, isolated event instead.”
See what I did there, Rebecca? Did you see?
I, too, felt threatened by this guy I was dealing with. What started out innocently ended up with me feeling wholly uncomfortable and hella creeped out. I dealt with the situation to the best of my ability, so cut, edit, print. End of story. I’m not writing today bemoaning all of the population with penises, calling them asshole sexist bastards who should be shot because of my one bad experience. I’m writing because Mike’s question prompted me to do so.
If I were to do anything like Rebecca, it would be to offer a word of caution to anyone using a dating site, not just women, because us broads can also be fucking crazy and perpetuate the same sort of situation towards men. Sexism is just plain dumb, you guys. For realzies.
While OkCupid is now a thing in the past for me, another friend suggested “atheistpersonals.net.”
As always, thanks for reading. Keep it godless, you guys.