Over Again

This blog post comes to you from me being horizontal on the couch, sweat dripping down my forehead and into my eyes, my thigh muscles aching and throbbing in an oddly rhythmic way.

I, dear friends, worked out for the first time in I’m embarrassed to say how long. It was only for fifteen minutes, but it was fifteen minutes spent doing something I desperately need to start doing more regularly and I’m determined to make it a habit.

I’ve been feeling very down-in-the-dumps physically. I look and feel terrible. My joints hurt, especially that pesky knee of mine and I discovered my foot is also starting to ache due to being several tens of pounds overweight.

My clothes are starting to fit more snug and I have little energy. In general, I feel like shit. I’m tired of that, and tired of looking at myself in the mirror, trying to trick myself into thinking “oh, you don’t look that bad.”

But I do. What was once a bit of belly fat has turned into all out flab. The waistband of my pants cuts me in half when I sit down, and I test the tensile strength of the fabric around my thighs.

I had no idea how much I weighed. At last count at a doctor’s appointment back in December, I weighed 236 pounds. Yesterday, according to the bastard digital scale at work, I now weight 257.

Two hundred fifty-seven pounds. Sweet merciful Christ. And how big and brass are my balls for sharing that with y’all?

The only good thing about that is I’m still fifteen pounds away from weighing what I did at my heaviest, so I’ve got that going for me, which is nice.

As you can tell, I’m starting over again. I lost sixty pounds before…and by golly, I’ll do it again. I need to, because I have no doubt in my mind that if I continue on the path I’m on now, I’ll be dead by the time I’m 40. Honestly, I believe that.

I started today: eating what I know is good for me as compared to what I think is good and doing that little bit of exercise. It felt great to sweat again. I like to sweat…ahem.

Anyway.

Back on the healthy bandwagon. I plan on keeping a regular journal of my progress and whatnot because it’s me and I want to. I hope you all join me in this adventure.

See you next time,
E

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6 thoughts on “Over Again

  1. You go girl! Starting is the hardest thing. Once you establish a routine, it gets easier. Eventually, you come to a point (at least, I did) where you can’t imagine living any other way. You look better, you feel better, and you wouldn’t believe how much better sex is. It’s a different world! I am very proud of you!

  2. You can do this. It sucks, and it will take time; but, you CAN. Just about nine months ago, I joined a gym & then signed up with a trainer. I got this cockamamie idea that I want to skate roller derby. I was (am) much heavier than I want to be. I knew that in order to do this, I needed to get off of my butt and get healthier and stronger.

    I have not been on skates almost at all in 30 years. I’m going to be 44 next week, and I am scared to death.

    Do not let anyone give you crap. You know how you got to this point, and now you know how you’re going to get healthy. Don’t worry about the number, don’t worry about the pants size. Focus on your health and how you FEEL.

    @lolaspeaking started a group on Facebook called #50Chips. We are committed to doing 50 crunches a day for 100 days. If you forget a day, it’s up to you to own it & start again. It’s an amazing group of people who encourage each other, and serve to egg each other on. Look us up! We’re only a couple weeks in: but, there are new folks all of the time. Who knows…maybe we’ll think of another challenge when that’s done.

    Most importantly, hang in there. You were incredibly brave to be this honest & this brave.

  3. Go go E! Rah Rah! I’m cheering for you. Miss you lots, but know you can do this… and with exercising, hopefully you will kick the smoking habit too. 🙂 Best of luck and I know you can do it.

  4. You can, and you will, do this Erin. You’re still young and your body will respond quickly to exercise. The benefits will come quick and fast- exercise releases feel-good endorphins, so you’ll feel better, sleep better and look better.
    Most importantly, you’ll be insuring yourself against all the health gremlins that start appearing in people from their mid 30s onwards, that hinder weight loss and affect your long-tem health. Do it now, and get ahead of the curve.
    You’ve been incredibly brave in your honesty Erin. I’ll be behind you every step of the way.

  5. Goddamn, youse got some balls, woman! You make me feel like I could actually do something that has purpose with my life.

    You’ve got this, look at you–you’ve started, so you’re halfway there! Can we be friends on this? I mean, I’m really excited to read what all you do, so that I am inspired to quit sitting and twiddling my thumbs (when they’re not helping to convey food to my face, or a cigarette to my mouth. Cough.)

    YOU ARE GREAT AND WONDERFUL AND GORGEOUS AND SMART AND TALENTED AND YOU WORKED OUT AND GOT SWEATY AND YOU DO GOOD THINGS AND YOU ARE MAKING POSITIVE CHANGES IN YOUR LIFE AND YOU HAVE PRETTY HAIR AND I BET YOU SMELL GOOD AND YOU ARE A GOOD WRITER AND YOU LIKE GOOD BOOKS AND READING AND YOU ARE A NICE LADY OKAY BYE.

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