2011: What I Need

Angry? Angst fueld? Perhaps I am. Perhaps I view the world through shit-covered glasses now. Can you blame me? But if you’re not angry about something, you haven’t been paying attention.

The love of my life doesn’t want me anymore. He chose to get rid of me. He chose to destroy what we had by being a selfish piece of shit. I gave him all that I had–I loved him unconditionally, I always did what was in OUR best interests, not just what I thought was good for me, when God knows I wanted to be as fucking selfish as he is and do what I wanted. But I’m not like that. I wanted him to be happy, and in turn, I gave up my happiness in the process. After so many years of doing so, I’ve lost track of what I want.

I want someone to look at me in my eyes and tell me they love me despite my flaws, because do I ever have flaws.

I want to be held close.

I want someone to want me with the same passion and desire that I have for you.

I want to be debt-free, but that’s a different blog post all together.

I just don’t want these things–I need these things.

I need someone to take care of me, but understand that I also need time for myself; time alone and to be perfectly okay with this.

I need a good, hard, unadulterated fucking. Sorry Mom, but I do.

I also need you to be tender and loving with me, even when I’m being belligerent and stubborn.

I need you to not be like him.

This list seems daunting, and it probably is to someone who can’t handle me. I’m a handful. Ask my parents. I may have been the more behaved of the two kids, but I’m just as, if not more so of a chore.

If you can offer me these things, step up. I’m ready for you.

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