1,600 ER visits and one death have been reported last year due to a growing new menace amongst our children, grandchildren, cousins, nephews, nieces, illegitimate bastards, and crack babies:
These “shoes” or as I like to call them, “Lucifer’s Footwear”, have a skateboard-like wheel embedded into the soles and souls of these shoes, making it possible for children of all ages to seemingly hover over the ground like so many devil freaks are often wont to do. I personally, am scared for our younger generations. Wheels on the bottoms of shoes? What’s next? Indoor plumbing?! Mass transportation?! Mobile cordless telephones?! When will the madness and carnage end? How many more will have to suffer the little children before the massacre comes to an end?
It is here and now that I say we all ban together to try to stop these atrocities against our youth. I hereby call to order the first meeting of S.H.O.E.S: Stop Hurting Our Endangered kidS. Our mission is to get all forms of extracurricular entertainment off the streets and out of our homes, schools, mosques, and Dairy Queens. This has to end! Will another retarded child DIE because of our ignorance to this issue?
Meetings will be every 3rd Tuesday at 7:15 p.m. at Chik-Fil-A on Bradshaw Street.
We will be victorious!!