One day, Buddha went on a walk in the forest to find enlightenment. He had been walking for what seemed like hours and hours, but in reality, it had been only ten minutes. Buddha is fat and out of shape. So, he sat down on a stump to rest. Little did Buddha know, this was a magical stump and inside of it lived the most magical creature in all the woods: a gnome named Percival Quentin Higgenbushenbottom, or P.Q. for short.
Unaware of P.Q. or that he lived just under Buddha’s ass, Buddha let a very potent, very odoriferous air biscuit. He couldn’t help it; he had Kung Pow shrimp for lunch and it was tearing his Buddha guts apart. Obviously, the smell was too great for little P.Q., so he had to abandon his stump for some fresh air. Now, gnomes are usually very peaceful creatures–that is until some enormous fat fuck sits on his house and rips ass.
Naturally, P.Q. was pissed and wanted to fight Buddha right then and there. Buddha pleaded with P.Q., asking him to have mercy on him, he never would have done such a vile thing if he had known P.Q. lived in the stump. P.Q. was having none of Buddha’s bullshit, so P.Q. challenged Buddha to a fight to the finish: winner takes all. The prize? The hand of the lovely and fair maiden, Smurfette.
All the creatures of the forest gathered to witness this epic battle royale and some of the raccoons even had a wager on who would prevail. The match started out with Buddha, who was voted to go down in the 4th round, as the top contender, based purely on his girth and enormous belly and Buddha boobies. His strength was also his weakness, for after the first round, Buddha was tired, sweaty, and ready to throw in the towel. But Smurfette looked like such a little slut in her dress, it gave Buddha a second wind.
P.Q. was also fighting proudly, afterall, this has HIS magical forest. The prize of Smurfette didn’t matter to him–he wanted to win for all the creatures of the woods that got shat upon by fat fucks like Buddha. Besides, P.Q. and Smurfette had hooked up a few months prior at the Forest Christmas Party and P.Q. had already tapped that. And it wasn’t all that OR a bag of chips. And P.Q. had heard that Smurfette had had a three-way with David the Gnome and Gus Gus from the old Cinderella place.
P.Q.’s eyes were set on a different prize: Vanity Smurf. P.Q. had seen Vanity in a low-budget forest porn called “Barely Legal Woodland Sluts 9” and had to have him for his very own. That’s when P.Q. took a fall late in the 3rd round. He was down for the count. Buddha was declared the winner by TKO and later that night, was a winner again when he screwed Smurfette behind Gargamel’s rose bush.
As for P.Q., his defeat had no ill effect on him–he was still the most magical creature in all the woods AND he got his man. In fact, P.Q. and Vanity were going to be joined together in a civil union later that month.
The moral of the story is thus: Buddha is a fat piece of shit who might have gastroenteritis; Smurfette’s cooter has seen more action than a Chuck Norris movie; and gnomes are gay.