I HATE the last week of school. I hate it!! This is the time when everyone gets everything that should have been done weeks ago finished. This is when the assholes come out. First of all, I’m not going to be too keen on helping you when you’re acting like a douche, ok? Second, I bust my hump every week to get my stuff done on time…why should I be bending over backwards to help you? Oh…that’s right….I shouldn’t.
One guy in particular is going to meet the backside of my hand here if he doesn’t leave me alone. Ok, first, a visual: have you seen the movie ” The Libertine” with Johnny Depp? You know how he looks at the end of the movie when he’s all messed up from the syphilis? I am not making this up: dude looks just like that shit, aside from the creepy eye. I wish I were joking and making a funny, but help me god, I am not. And I’m the only tutor that will help him because everyone else suddenly becomes too busy when he asks for help. What’s my issue with SyphilisBoy? He’s one of those people that no matter how many times you explain to him how to do a simple procedure, he still fucks it up.
“Erin? How do you open a new Word document?”
“Well, ______, just like I told you yesterday.”
“Erin? How I do save my paper to the flash drive?”
Well, _______, just like I showed you yesterday, and the day before that, and then once again on Monday.”
Also, when I am trying to help him, he always says, “What?” I know you heard me talking, asshole, just stop wasting my time and do it. Jeezy creezy….
Today was exceptionally fun and fantastic for me: surprise surprise, he’s also one of the Last Minute MotherFathers, so he’s trying to write 3 papers and make up a resume. On these computers, there is a resume wizard, so all you have to do is fill in the information, like name, address, schools, past jobs, and this thing puts it all together for you. A 4 year old could do it, if said 4 year old needed to put together a resume. But no, no no…Syphilis Face cannot grasp the simple mechanics of it, and is constantly calling me over to see if he did it right. It’s students like him that make me want to take over whatever they’re doing and finish the damn thing for them. See? These people drive me to do it. They also drive me to not want to have kids EVER because I am deathly afraid our kids will by some cruel twist of fate, be retarded and won’t be able to tie their own shoes and wear little retard helmets when they go outside because they have big water baby heads. They will be the children you see sitting the backseat of the family station wagon, noses pressed up against the glass, extra retard boogers getting the glass all boogerfied, sticking My Little Pony stickers on the windows, and getting carsick all over their little brother. I cannot wait. My uterus is simply atwitter with anticipation.
Speaking of unwanted children, when is Nebraska going to get on the cool state bandwagon and put in the drop boxes at hospitals where mothers can leave their unwanted babies? How sweet is that?! Instead of chucking Junior in the trash like so many are wont to do, they can take the kids to a hospital and leave them there. The hospital will take care of the baby and then put it up for adoption. I think that’s an awesome idea, but of course, people think that this will promote more people leaving off their babies. Well…..what do you expect, dumbass? You give these people a service like that, they’re going to use it. Is there a limit to the number of unwanted babies you want? Only 5 per month? What, do you lose funding if you surpass your baby quota? If you don’t want people to use your service, then don’t fucking make it available.
One more thing and I’m done. I was “working” one day and this girl comes in and gets online because she had heard a story about a 5 year old girl giving birth. No joke here. It’s true. Over in Thailand, a 5 year old girl gave birth to a baby boy. Apparently, she has a genetic defect on her pituitary gland that caused her to go into puberty at age 3–no shit!!–and a friend of her father’s married her and they had a baby. The baby had a baby. When her kid is 5, she will be 10. How absolutely twisted is that?! When I was 5, I was playing with my She-Ra doll. Definitely NOT having sex. I understand the culture differences, but good god almighty. That’s wacky.
So, moral of the story is to not be retarded and piss me off by your retardation. And don’t have sex with 5 year old girls. I think that about covers it.