Here I am, eating Mentos, a.k.a. “The Freshmaker!!” when I find myself declaring shananigans on the Mentos Company.  Their product is all wrong.  False advertising is the game these folks are playing and I’m not about to stand for it.

Enter into evidence Exhibit A:

See below the word “fruit”, in tiny letters, it says “The Chewy Mint”.  Now look at the flavors–cherry, lemon, orange….how on earth can these fruits be considered “mint”?  Oh, that’s right.  They can’t.  It is physically impossible for fruit flavors to attain a mint undertone.  Try it for yourself.  Go brush your teeth, then take a big old bite out of an orange.  See what I mean?  It’s disgusting.  I am not refreshed after I do this. 

Second, I think Mentos are trying to ride the coattails of Skittles.  Mentos are like the retarded cousin of Skittles, all big, fat, and slow.  “Look, we’re Skittles!”  No Mentons,  you are not Skittles.  You are the Downs Syndrome Skittles.  I am still not refreshed.

Bonus points and mad props to you however, Mentos for:

 A) reacting so awesomely against Coke and making Coke spill it’s fizzy load all over the place

2) being the inspiration for that one Foo Fighters music video, “Big Me.”

 

So as you can see, Mentos are dumb, lazy, and are not acutally mints when in flavors other than “mint” or “spearmint” or “peppermint”.  Good try, though.  Extra credit for gaining street cred with science nerds and bored kids worldwide for your ability to make a Coke literally soil itself and for Dave Grohl wearing pigtails in the “Big Me” video.